peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i've created a new STD.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
