he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
