i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...