Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.