y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills