My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.