Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
