Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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