When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
