I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Girls should come with a carfax report
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
