Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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