Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
