hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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