is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
