i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
