I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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