my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
