dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
