I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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