so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
