Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
