I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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