Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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