A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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