come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
