i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just want to make out with him forever
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