His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
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he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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