I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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