how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
