I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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