i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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