Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
