Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
