Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I would ride that face into the sunset
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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