well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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