I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
