ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
