I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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