If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it's like iHOP with fire
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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