I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
