What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
