ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
