saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
