Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
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God gave him joint rollers for hands
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
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It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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