Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
