it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
