someone threw a dead crab at me
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
