My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
