I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
