Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the day after is always just damage control
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
