my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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