either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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