just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
