Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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