Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
