This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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