What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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