haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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