that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
