I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
