I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
