Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
