he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
