just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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