mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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