Duck Duck Cougar?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
