Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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