who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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