I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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