I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
