just tell him i said nine months
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
