Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
