haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
