have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
