i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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